My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
