Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He has the fingertips of a God
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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