just come out here and I will go home with you...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
