I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
