I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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