party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
