I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
