i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I fill condoms, not promises.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
