Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
