I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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