glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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