Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
