My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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