You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
