Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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