he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
