Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
