So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
