He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
