Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
