you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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