doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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