It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
