even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
