Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
