Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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