after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
