in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
