The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
