so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
