I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
