i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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