If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize