some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
