dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
A bitchslap is in order.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
