I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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