So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
