it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
