spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
