Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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