it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
