I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
