I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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