maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
