WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
