So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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