I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
