you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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