in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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