My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
