my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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