I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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