What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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