i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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