Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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