my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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