I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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