This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
