remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
