wanna go halves on a baby?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
