I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
