Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize