you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
