He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
