hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
