what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
