"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently you make a good broom.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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