I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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