New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
