She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
