he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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