brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
