Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If I die, sorry about rent.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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