btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
