I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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