where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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