Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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