kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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