new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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