It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
