I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
