remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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