This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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