I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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