WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this boner is exhausting
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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