I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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