Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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