when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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