Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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