so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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