you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
