I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
