I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
