i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
