I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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