Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
