Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize