Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
should my penis look like a turkey
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
