He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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