I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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