I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize