my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
