i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
