Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
