none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
