guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
