Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize