Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
