I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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