how can u be prego again
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
