Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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