Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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