he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
