my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
