I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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