It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
