In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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