I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
