i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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